Dear Oliver (and Hudson) – Spare the Rod

Now that one of your favorite words seems to be, “NO!”, I expect there will be a few swats on the behind in your future. You won’t realize it at the time, but these will be in your own best interest—a way of getting your urgent attention to some particular danger. These swats will be primarily an injury to your pride, not your person. When I was growing up, the injury was to my person (as in my dad’s belt applied to my bare behind). My parents were governed by the phrase, “spare the rod and spoil the child”.

I always associated that with the biblical book of Proverbs. But when I volunteered to lead a lesson on the Book of Proverbs in Sunday school a few weeks ago, I discovered that "spare the rod and spoil the child" is not in the Bible. It is just a well-known adaptation of several verses found in Proverbs.

I also learned that the "rod" in ancient times probably referred to a shepherd's crook, which was used to guide, steer, and protect sheep, not to beat them. The core idea of the proverb seems to be that children need active guidance, clear boundaries, and loving correction to grow into responsible adults. So, the "rod" might be a metaphor for firm, consistent, and non-physical moral instruction. Allowing children to do whatever they want without structure could be viewed as a failure of loving responsibility. We love you too much to let you so as you please.

I like the idea of using a shepherd’s crook to guide you, to nudge you in the right direction and, occasionally, to pull you back from danger. I wonder if I could use one of those on grandma, too? She would probably thank me.